Tag: belief systems

Moving Forward

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“Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value.” Albert Einstein.

For most of us, the onset of a new year brings a renewed sense of starting over, clearing the slate, recommitting to change. You may revel in the accomplishments of the bygone year while lamenting over losses or achievements left unfulfilled. Perhaps you are experiencing a lingering weariness from the holidays and getting back on track seems a bit arduous. How do we find that balance of relishing what has passed while keeping the faith for what is yet to come? In other words, how can we refuel our ability to move forward?

Take an honest look at all the challenges you have faced thus far and give yourself an enormous pat on the back. We do this for others with ease, but when it comes to acknowledging our own successes, the list is often skimpy. Recall the days you were tired but cared for your family despite the fatigue or the extra efforts you made for a friend or a colleague. Remember your new habit of drinking more water or eating less sugar or breathing before reacting. Success is the sum of all the small steps you take along the way. Honor yourself for the courage it took to overcome life’s hurdles. When we remind ourselves of our unique victories, no matter how large or small, we renew our conviction to infinite potential and possibility.

Evaluate your definition of what constitutes being a successful person. Are integrity and kindness factored in? Moving forward sometimes means taking some time to examine your values and goals. Do you yearn for more meditative time or a less hectic lifestyle? Then moving forward may mean subtracting; and taking out the tedious nonessentials that keep you from achieving that goal. As the saying goes, less is more. Substituting the urge to acquire more things for the desire to simplify or de-clutter may free up time for creative endeavors. Perhaps moving forward means loosening the reins of controlling a loved one. The side effect is more time to be present in your own life to be free from judgements and expectations that don’t belong to you.

Believe that change can happen. Human beings are dynamic, our cells are continually rejuvenating themselves. If you took a MRI of your body today and another in a few months, they would look different. A close friend of mine has a favored quote “the one thing we can rely on is change.” It happens whether we want it or not. Choose to be an active participant in the kind of change that shapes your life in the way you envision it.

Moving forward means developing patience and steadfastness. When you read about a writer celebrating their award winning novel or a teacher being rewarded for their contributions, what lies under the surface is the years of plodding ahead with no reward in sight. There is no such thing as an overnight sensation, despite what the tabloids may have us believe. Every stride towards being a whole individual is a step towards creating a meaningful life.

Remember, it is never too late to hop on the train and travel to your next destination. No matter your age or circumstance, you have the innate ability to change, to move forward. Each day we are given a new opportunity to start again. And although you may have setbacks, perhaps they are simply necessary rest stops to peer back over the terrain you’ve crossed until that next whistle blows and onward you go.


Are Your Beliefs About Money Keeping You Poor?

_1647Before money was in the form of paper or coins, people traded goods of value such as cows, fish, rice, salt, weapons, and clothing. The value of money is what we put on it. While our government has decided the amount a piece of paper or coin is worth, individuals place an additional, intangible value on it based on upbringing and experience.

For many people, money has emotion attached to it. As children, we observe how our families react and interact with money, and we receive messages about how they perceive it, which forms our money “beliefs”. See if any of these sound familiar: Money is the root of all evil, troublesome, difficult to get, hard to keep. Having money equals power, control, happiness, security, and solves problems. Are any of these your beliefs?

Money is neither good nor bad; it’s neutral, simply a tool that we use for the exchange of goods and services. However, that is not how most of us perceive it.

Do you have an emotional charge about money? What are your feelings about wealth or lack of it? Does your perception of money change in different circumstances? Do you feel that your self worth fluctuates according to your bank account?

Here is an exercise that might clarify your perception of money and its potential for change:

  • Visualize a pile of cash in front of you. How big is the pile? How does it make you feel?
  • Substitute the cash with one of the examples of ancestral trade before money, like exotic spices or shells. Do you still have the same reaction to your alternate pile of wealth? Now, how do you feel about having more, giving some of it away, or saving it?
  • If you feel more comfortable or less comfortable that your wealth isn’t money as we currently know it, examine why that is.
  • Do your feelings about money support you? If not, ask yourself are you willing to examine those feelings about money and adjust your perspective to a more supportive position.

Consider what adjustments around money you could make in both the long and short term. Perhaps it is focusing more on where your money goes each month (budgeting, consulting a financial advisor) or perhaps focusing less (if you feel you control it too much). Maybe you could adopt a positive mantra on money and wealth to say throughout the day, such as: Money flows freely, easily, and abundantly to me.

While changes toward your desired view on money may not occur overnight, clarifying what your current views are is a significant step.


How to Shift Your Unconscious Beliefs and Create the Life You Want

redwoodsLife is hard. I should have achieved more by this time in my life. People will take advantage of me if I let them. I can’t do anything right. Are any of these thoughts yours? If so, and you find them coming up regularly, it’s possible you have beliefs that are sabotaging your efforts to create the life you desire. Often, we aren’t aware of these beliefs because they have been our “truths” from a very young age.

The good news is that we have the ability to change those beliefs that are undermining our goals and dreams. The first step is to identify them.

Call to mind (or better yet, write down) your thoughts regarding money, spirituality, relationships, career, and family. This will allow you to uncover your core beliefs. Although you may not remember when or how you adopted these beliefs—which most often happen in childhood—the important thing is to gain awareness of what they are. Once you have, you can determine if these beliefs are supportive or sabotaging.

Let’s say one of your beliefs about career is that the only way to advance or get the position you want is by working very hard and working long hours. It doesn’t seem like a self-sabotaging belief; in fact, it seems like a noble one! However, if this is the only way you believe you can achieve the ultimate job, can you see how this “truth” might set you up for either burnout or the inability to reach your career goals? Instead, what if your belief was that you have a successful career when you are passionate about what you do? The focus shifts from expecting hardship and inconvenience to that of fulfillment and gratification from what you do. If you are passionate about your job, you will put in the effort and time required, and although the work may still end up being challenging and time-intensive, you will experience more enjoyment, satisfaction, and positive results.

Think about your perception of the world around you. What are your thoughts when something doesn’t go your way? Is it this? “Life is unfair. Nothing ever works out for me.” What if it you shifted your thoughts to this? “Life is an adventure, it is interesting. It has its ups and downs and I choose to learn and grow from both. I am fascinated with being able to see and experience all that is happening.” 

You can choose how you interpret what you see and experience, and you can manage your expectations of life. You can focus on the positive or negative in life. Wherever you place your focus, it feeds and grows. Concentrating upon the positive doesn’t mean ignoring the negative but rather dealing with it in a positive, constructive way. Will you choose to see the world for its good or will you choose to see the negative?

Identify beliefs that do not serve you, and then either let them go and adopt new beliefs, or reframe negative beliefs into supportive ones. Doing this important exercise will help you achieve the life you dream of and would like to create for yourself.

 


Gratitude, The Reality Changer

It’s true – gratitude has the power to change things. I would venture to say, that it serves at the catalyst to change one’s circumstances. It begins with choosing to be grateful, and that choice ignites a positive domino effect that leads to actual change. I know some of you must be thinking that I’m crazy. How can one’s thinking change one’s reality? How can choosing to be grateful turn a seemingly upsetting situation into a blessing? Read on and you’ll find out.

Neale Donald Walsch, author of the acclaimed series, Conversations with God, said: “…gratitude completely shifts the context from which we consider, observe, witness or experience any outward event, circumstance or situation. Perspective creates perception, and perception creates belief; belief creates behavior. Behavior creates experience, and experience creates your reality.” Walsch articulates the dominoes in play here, so let’s list them: Gratitude, Perspective, Perception, Belief, Behavior, Experience and Reality.

  • Gratitude – a feeling of appreciation or thanks
  • Perspective – the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance
  • Perception – the way you think about or understand someone or something
  • Belief – a feeling of being sure that someone or something exists or that something is true
  • Behavior – the way something [or someone] moves, functions or reacts
  • Experience – the process of doing and seeing things and of having things happen to you
  • Reality – the true situation that exists: the real situation

* Definitions from Merriam Webster (merriam-webster.com)

Feeling turns to understanding, to knowing, to acting… to experiencing

An Applicable Lesson

[Story complements of a dear friend]

I got home from a long day at work. I was exhausted and I walked into a disheveled house. Shoes scattered across the living room, my toddler’s toys sprinkled generously over the entirety of the floor, the beds unmade…the works. My husband had arrived home a short time before me, and what was he doing? Watching TV and barely paying attention to our little one. Dinner had to be made, bath time had to take place, shoes and toys had to be put away – so much had to be done and I would have to do it all!

Frustration quickly set in and I realized I was at a crossroads. I could choose to let frustration flourish into anger, and create a tense atmosphere for my whole family, including myself. OR I could take a deep breath, kiss my loved ones hello and take a moment to be thankful for my circumstance. Yes, the house was much less clean than I would have liked and yes, there was a lot that had to be checked off of my list before I could put my head down on the pillow and get some rest, but as much as those things were true, something was even more TRUE. What was it? The reality that my life was really very blessed.

The truth is that I have a home filled with the laughter of an energetic and ever-growing toddler. I have a hard working husband who deserves to put his feet up for a moment after a long day at the office. I have food and the means to prepare it for my family – and I have this day…this precious day. I am not guaranteed tomorrow, but I have right now, and right now, my reality is pretty wonderful!

What is YOUR story? What is your Attitude? What is your reality?

Do you need some help parsing out your reality? Do you need some help learning to see the beauty through the barriers of life? Those barriers (shoes, toys, whatever they may be) sure cloud our vision, don’t they? They sure do a good job of blocking the beauty! But it’s there – you just need to look for it.

Interested in more information? Contact Master Certified Coach & licensed psychotherapist: Mara Fisher, LCSW, MCC, at www.BridgeofLife.com or +1305-754-7246


Change Your Mind – Change Your Life

Life does not NEED to be hard.

It is all about shifting ones attitude by changing thoughts, which shifts feelings, which shifts ones belief systems. Positive thinking really works and yes it does take intention and determination to create a positive life. Now some people might call this work; but I call this process and flow and attitude shifting.

When we catch our negative thoughts and dispute these irrational beliefs i.e. that the cup is half empty (I mean after all if you want to be irrational why not hold the belief that the cup is half full), then you will move forward in life and you will feel great. It is worth disputing negative irrational beliefs so that you can think and feel better. No reason to dispute the positive ones, usually.

If you shift into dreams than you can learn how to achieve your dreams by creating bite size goals and then tasks that will allow you to complete your goals and then eventually create your dream. If your intention is set and you are willing to put the time in, anything is possible. Of course accepting that yes there are limitations and knowing what your limitations are; will allow you to dream dreams that you can reach.

If you are grandiose and your ego is bigger than your brain well, most likely you will make yourself unhappy. So, if you have one leg, dream dreams that a person with one leg can achieve…no you are not going to grow another leg; but you can perhaps get a bionic leg and win the race.

If you find that you are angry a lot at the unfairness of the world consider what you can do to shift your world so that you are treating yourself fairly rather than wishing the world or other people would be different. No one is going to change for you and certainly not the world. It is unfair and so what, if the cup is half full it will not matter…