Tag: holidays

Hope

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.            

                                                                             ….Martin Luther King Jr.

As 2017 is coming to a close, you may recall the highs and lows of the year and wonder where on earth the time went.  During the hectic holiday season, it is easy to get swooped up by the current of celebrations that can at times feel overwhelming, but perhaps take a moment to step back to the banks of what this all represents.  What do all of the ceremonies and traditions mean to you?  Obviously, that answer is unique and personal, but regardless of different perspectives the current of hope connects us all.  

Whether you participate in Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, or simply enjoy the seasonal lights, trees and decorations, the concept of hope resounds. One of the reasons many people participate in traditions is because they believe they’re important for renewing a sense of belonging and restoring hope for the future.  Many traditions are meant to be a respite for the modern world, to step back and reconnect with loved ones.  But what if you don’t feel hopeful despite the festivities?  Maybe you are burned out from a stressful career, a break up, or an aging parent who now needs you? It is possible to renew your sense of hope amid despair or challenges.

First of all, hope is essential to human beings for survival.  Hope is blind to difference it is not dependent on social status or income, it is not reserved for the few–it is a birthright.  One-way to jumpstart your hope is to set simple achievable goals.   Rather than laboring over a grandiose list, take baby steps.  Maybe you want to take the holiday celebrations down a notch or two, you want to switch out the pressure of gift giving for volunteering or getting together for a pot luck and a silly gift exchange or you want to reemphasize the spiritual.  Find a step-by-step way to achieve the goal. Invite friends, keep it simple and let others contribute.  You will probably be surprised how many people are happy and grateful, this in turn gives you hope that change is always possible.  You can revise the status quo.

Perhaps you want to go back to college in the next year or find a new job.  Begin to talk to the counselors or department heads, learn everything you can about different programs that appeal to you and set a date to start the application process.  If change in career is what you’re after, take a step in that direction, talk to others find out what you need to get started.  Hope will revive when you picture your possibilities, then as you begin to do things towards that goal, hope like oxygen to a fire, will fuel itself.  

In the book “The Anatomy of Hope.” Dr. Jerome Groopman, found that researchers discovered the power of hope to change the chemistry of your brain. “Belief and expectation are the key elements of hope. When people experience hope, they can block pain by releasing the brain’s endorphins.”

Surround yourself with people that believe in you, that give you hope and sincere positive reinforcement. Stay clear of chronic naysayers, particularly if you are on the mend to building your hope back up. Repeat hope mantras such as, “I can” daily.  Post sticky notes that restate your right to hope, to become, to believe in whatever you want.  Words and thoughts are powerful, by surrounding your psyche with positive people and mental images, hope will bloom and cheer you to the finish line.

As the holiday season continues, take a moment to remember that with each setting sun comes a sunrise and we are reminded that with hope, all things are possible.   


On Being Single during the Holidays

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The holidays, while they may bring joy, also bring certain people who we do not see much other times of the year. Those relatives, acquaintances and sometimes friends who ask the inevitable question, “Why isn’t a nice girl like you married?” – or some variant of that inquiry.

You are good with yourself and you know it. You like yourself, you like your independence. But sometimes deep inside you may wonder the same thing. Every Holiday Season is another marker of the passage of time. “Will it ever happen?” you ask yourself. Innocent questions by often loving and well meaning relatives make us wonder the same thing. “Why am I alone?” and with that question comes doubts. “Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I will never meet the right person.” The most important thing is to keep this thought from running rampant in your head.

The fact is you may not find the “right” person, at this moment in time. The “right” person may be in your life now, but you have to see him through a different lens, perhaps you can become more open to meeting people who may not look on the outside the way you had envisioned them. Perhaps, like my friend Lori, you will meet your soul mate when you are 47 after completing your PhD and working for years at a successful career.

Or, you could be a Florence Nightingale, Jane Austen, Coco Chanel, Clara Barton, Mary Cassatt, Luisa May Alcott, DNA Pioneer Rosalind Franklin, or Queen Latifah … to name just a few strong, talented women who have made their mark on the world living as independent, fulfilled, single women.

We really can choose the way we perceive our lives, and our perception changes the way the world around us reacts to us. Many people are unhappily married – many have wonderful relationships, just as there are many folks who are happily single and others unhappily single. One thing we can control is choosing to be happy, regardless of our relationship status.

Being single during the holidays, you join the majority of the population of the United States. In 2014, 50.2% of the population 16 and older were single as compared with 37.4% in 1976. You are not alone!

How can you shake those single holiday blues?

  • Say yes to every invitation! Even if you stay for 30 minutes, get moving and get out. You never know whom you will meet. It could be a guy, it could be a new best friend, a lead on a cool apartment or job for the New Year.
  • Whether serving meals at a shelter or collecting used coats among friends and coworkers for the needy, or helping your next-door neighbor shovel his walk, you can make a difference. Look around, you will see opportunities large and small. Do something … even if it’s just sharing a smile.
  • Contact old friends or reach out to someone new. Sharing a cup of coffee or glass of wine is a great way to feel socially connected. 20101231_0744

Whether the questions about your relationship status from that friend or relative is “well meaning” or not, if you don’t want to share, switch the topic of conversation back to them. Everyone likes to talk about themselves … now is the time to capitalize on that!


Thoughts on Giving and Receiving

Giving of oneself is a challenge for many people, and often around the holidays it seems to be on our minds. Am I giving enough? Am I giving the right thing? Who do I want to give to? Who do I have to give to? Can I afford to give enough?

At the heart of these questions is usually fear. What we fear may be different for each person. It’s as if by giving, in some way, we believe that we may be disappointing others or letting them down. One thought I have about this is that there are many ways we give of ourselves. And you can find a way that makes you feel good in your heart so that you can feel safe, loving, and positive about whom you are and the choices that you make.

Receiving from others is also on people’s minds during the holiday season more than any other time of year. You may be looking forward to receiving gifts; yet the act of accepting the gifts in your heart can be a bit difficult for you? Feelings of vulnerability are often present when we receive. We may feel that our friends/family are not sensitive to our taste or that they did not take the time to plan for our gifts, which can create feelings of hurt, resentment, being unimportant.

Many of us are uncomfortable with receiving, much more so than with giving as receiving taps into our own feelings of being loved. For many it can be much more challenging to allow love in and receiving allows love in.

A lovely Ritual that you can do to assist yourself in allowing both receiving and giving to take place with ease in your life is the following.

  1. Light a white candle.
  2. Sit in front of it for 5 minutes, watching it, letting your mind float.
  3. Wonder about the first 3 times you received something. Notice how you felt, what you saw/heard?
  4. Now notice what you feel/think about those 3 times now.
  5. What are your challenges with giving? Receiving?