Tag: truth

Don’t Hide Your Feelings

Fake it till you make it. We’ve all heard this advice at some point in our lives. While there’s a time and a place for putting on a positive outlook to muscle through a situation – or until you genuinely feel better – it’s not healthy to do all the time.

I advocate being honest in your relationships and with yourself about how you’re feeling. Acknowledging your emotional state is the first step to improving it, and accepting yourself where you are does your mental health a world of good. While feigning positivity until you begin to stabilize your emotional state can be a useful tool, living your life while constantly denying your feelings is emotionally harmful.

If you’ve been masquerading as content, or pretending that you feel wonderful to hide feelings of depression, anxiety, anger, or resentment for too long – you have the potential to truly do yourself a disservice.

Being honest with yourself when you’re experiencing depression, grief, anxiety, anger, or resentment isn’t easy. Any unpleasant emotion can be difficult to face, especially if you’re doing it on your own. It may feel easier to hide, or to pretend that you’re happy. But you deserve true happiness – whatever that looks like for you. Acknowledging what you’re going through and how you’re feeling can help you move past those unpleasant feelings or to find ways of managing them.

That’s not to say that you’ll never experience unpleasant emotions. Our emotional changes are a part of our life, and that’s okay. They’re nothing to be ashamed of.

If you’re feeling unpleasant emotions for any length of time, it’s best to be honest with yourself and others about them. If you experience these intense and unpleasant emotions for an extended period it’s even more critical that you reach out to somebody. A loved one or a trusted professional can assist you in seeking help. You are not alone, and you deserve to feel true contentedness.

 


Believing in Your Own Truth

I recently had a rather heated discussion with a friend who was trying to convince me that she was right and I was wrong about something. She was quite irritated that I would not agree with her.

I wasn’t trying as hard to convince her of my ‘rightness’ as she was in insisting that I was wrong. Because, at the heart of it, the issue wasn’t about right or wrong at all, it was about truth. Any time there is a right or wrong in a situation, the real issue at hand is the truth, and whose truth is true.

Some people will go to great lengths to assert that they know best, that they are right, and they know the truth. This “truth,” however, is a funny thing because as much as we want to know it from a universal sense, all we can really know for sure is what is true for us.

Someone else’s truth is theirs alone. We may agree or share an opinion about it, but truth, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. And when they ask us to validate their truth, what they are really asking for is validation that they are worthy of our love.

When my friend insisted that I agree with her, I knew it was personal and went far beyond this small incident and me. For her, it was one more time that she had to prove herself and her truth and I was one more person who didn’t agree with her.

I did agree with her, I just didn’t agree with her truth. It was very personal for her so I had to wonder who had made her feel so wrong in her life that she needed to hear me repeat her truth back to her. Why wasn’t it enough for her to know her truth and be comfortable with it?

Because it wasn’t about her truth, it was about getting me to agree with it! In changing and uncertain times, when the truths that have sustained us for so long suddenly become no longer true, we need to re-establish a foundation where we feel secure and validated.

A changing truth can be that someone we love doesn’t love us any more, or the job that sustained us doesn’t need us any more, a friend decides they no longer want our friendship or we have to acknowledge that we have been living a life that doesn’t make us happy.

We can seek out and find a new truth but that isn’t what we really want. We want someone to tell us that we are right, true, worthy and deserving. So we go looking for truth when all we really want is love and acceptance—usually from people other than ourselves.

That is our greatest need, to be loved, appreciated and to know that someone, anyone, agrees with our truth. Our fear is that the truth will reveal what we have always been afraid to find out, that we are not worthy, lovable or deserving.

Is it possible to be comfortable with our truth, even if no one else thinks it’s true? It depends on what it is, but since truth is personal, as long as it is true for us, we’re aligned with it, it’s authentic and it makes us happy that’s the only truth we need to know. Now, practice courage in your convictions! 


The goal is not to be happy. The goal is to not be unhappy.

Mara Fisher



Moments Matter

I have invited my colleague Shelly Rose Charvet of Canada to guest blog on my blog. Shelly is a terrific writer, teacher and speaker.

If you want to read more of this article or any of her other wonderful articles please go to her website: http://www.successtrategies.com

How to Succeed Your Key Moments

Here are some tips on mastering the “moment”:

  1. Take a look at what you are doing. If your actions were known, how would they affect your credibility? Would people still trust you? Would they still respect you? Would they still like you?
  2. Assess risks. Sometimes you have to do or say things that risk upsetting others or making you unpopular. Ask yourself, who will benefit from this? How can I say or do this in a respectful way? I recently emailed some colleagues about what I felt was a lack of content in their presentation — I risked hurting their feelings, but I felt the opportunity to improve would be lost if I didn’t say what I felt. And I thought they could do a better job on their upcoming book if they got some input. I will see how they respond.
  3. Take feedback seriously. The worst mistakes are often made by people who believe they are better, more important or more knowledgeable than others. If we dismiss what others tell us, then we lose the opportunity to continuously improve. People who are highly Internal or Macho (Please see my article the Macho Test) often refuse to consider any opinion different from their own. I hate being criticized, but I know that once I lick my wounds and get over my hurt feelings, there is usually something really useful that I need to incorporate.
  4. Be what you aspire to be. Social scientist Amy Cuddy revealed the link between body language and your own beliefs about yourself. Want to be more confident? Sit or walk confidently for 2 minutes. That’s all it takes.
  5. Adopt helpful beliefs. I like to believe that even if they don’t look like it, most people want to have fun. Is it true? I don’t care.

Moments matter.

Cheers, Shelle