Tag: change

Choose Your Best Self

Do you ever feel as if your life has come to a grinding halt, as if stuck in the mud with no idea how to get out?  Are you working a job you dislike but are afraid to leave, or in a dead end relationship? If the answer is yes, you are not alone.  Even in these modern times where choices abound, many of us are too fearful or complacent to bust a move, to take a risk.  The good news is you don’t have to stay stuck; by taking a few steps at a time you can begin living the life you envision.

First, get very clear what you want to let go of and what you want to take on.  Ignore listening to the nagging thoughts that say, “you can’t”. Simply write down all of your ideas regardless of obstacles that you perceive    Pauline Kael, a film critic who wrote for the New Yorker magazine once said, “If there is a chance in a million that you can do something, anything, to keep what you want from ending, do it.  Pry the door open or, if need be, wedge your foot in that door to keep it open.”  In other words, don’t allow limiting thoughts to stop you from achieving, and moving forward.  Often the obstacles we imagine are simply self-imposed restrictions.

Start where you’re at, challenges and all.  If traveling is your goal, save money work a little extra, if it’s going back to college, start with perquisites online, if it’s a new job, make a new resume and send out five a week.  Invest in yourself, human beings are dynamic, our cells are in constant movement, we can create change and free ourselves from those habits and thoughts or behaviors that limit our life.  Take scissor and cut the cords that keep you stuck.  Perhaps that means letting go of perfectionism by allowing yourself to stop being afraid of making a mistake.  Mistakes can be our greatest teachers.

Post positive encouragement around you, make “I can do this” sticky notes and put them everywhere.  We all need positive feedback, but when there’s no one there to give it, seek it out for yourself.  Listen to guided meditations and read articles that inspire you. And most important, protect yourself from naysayers.  Family and friends can unintentionally sabotage our desires by expressing their own fears and judgements, but they have nothing to do with you. Find like-minded folks who have made the trek from fear to freedom.  Share your doubts and ask for advice, not that you have to take it, but useful insight is fantastic for it can fuel you when you’re feeling low or depleted.

Even if you take baby steps, they are steps towards changing your life.  Do an inquiry on yourself, ask why is it difficult to take risks, what in your life taught you to play it safe?  Once we become aware of the source of patterns, we can begin to revise the script.  Put the old tapes in the garage and see yourselves as the writer, doctor, mother, that you want to be.  Dare to dream, and make your dreams come true.  Face the fear head on, shake hands with it and bid it on its way.  When fear sneaks back at your mind’s doorstep, remind yourself that you no longer have to let it in.  Acknowledge it, then dismiss it.

Live your way into life, sitting around thinking about change doesn’t bring it on action does, whether it’s about exercise, eating healthy, or finding a new career.  You deserve to be the person that you are meant to be.  Everyone has gifts to share and once you acknowledge yours, put pursuing your dreams on top of your priority list.


Choose Your Best Self

Do you ever feel as if your life has come to a grinding halt, as if stuck in the mud with no idea how to get out?  Are you working a job you dislike but are afraid to leave, or in a dead end relationship? If the answer is yes, you are not alone.  Even in these modern times where choices abound, many of us are too fearful or complacent to bust a move, to take a risk.  The good news is you don’t have to stay stuck; by taking a few steps at a time you can begin living the life you envision.

First, get very clear what you want to let go of and what you want to take on.  Ignore listening to the nagging thoughts that say, “you can’t”. Simply write down all of your ideas regardless of obstacles that you perceive    Pauline Kael, a film critic who wrote for the New Yorker magazine once said, “If there is a chance in a million that you can do something, anything, to keep what you want from ending, do it.  Pry the door open or, if need be, wedge your foot in that door to keep it open.”  In other words, don’t allow limiting thoughts to stop you from achieving, and moving forward.  Often the obstacles we imagine are simply self-imposed restrictions.

Start where you’re at, challenges and all.  If traveling is your goal, save money work a little extra, if it’s going back to college, start with perquisites online, if it’s a new job, make a new resume and send out five a week.  Invest in yourself, human beings are dynamic, our cells are in constant movement, we can create change and free ourselves from those habits and thoughts or behaviors that limit our life.  Take scissor and cut the cords that keep you stuck.  Perhaps that means letting go of perfectionism by allowing yourself to stop being afraid of making a mistake.  Mistakes can be our greatest teachers.

Post positive encouragement around you, make “I can do this” sticky notes and put them everywhere.  We all need positive feedback, but when there’s no one there to give it, seek it out for yourself.  Listen to guided meditations and read articles that inspire you. And most important, protect yourself from naysayers.  Family and friends can unintentionally sabotage our desires by expressing their own fears and judgements, but they have nothing to do with you. Find like-minded folks who have made the trek from fear to freedom.  Share your doubts and ask for advice, not that you have to take it, but useful insight is fantastic for it can fuel you when you’re feeling low or depleted.

Even if you take baby steps, they are steps towards changing your life.  Do an inquiry on yourself, ask why is it difficult to take risks, what in your life taught you to play it safe?  Once we become aware of the source of patterns, we can begin to revise the script.  Put the old tapes in the garage and see yourselves as the writer, doctor, mother, that you want to be.  Dare to dream, and make your dreams come true.  Face the fear head on, shake hands with it and bid it on its way.  When fear sneaks back at your mind’s doorstep, remind yourself that you no longer have to let it in.  Acknowledge it, then dismiss it.

Live your way into life, sitting around thinking about change doesn’t bring it on action does, whether it’s about exercise, eating healthy, or finding a new career.  You deserve to be the person that you are meant to be.  Everyone has gifts to share and once you acknowledge yours, put pursuing your dreams on top of your priority list.

Choose Your Best Self was originally published on Bridge of Life


Making A Meaningful Change In Your Life

_269Is there an area of your life where you’d like to see different results, or where you’d like to create something completely new? While evolution or resolution can occur on its own, we often need to actively participate in initiating change in order for our desired outcomes to occur.

Know where you stand.

Take an honest, non-critical look at yourself in this moment. In an area of your life that you feel needs work, what do you consider is going well and not going well, and why? Before you make a meaningful change, it’s beneficial to know what you’re working with—your starting point. For example, in a house remodel, you would need to have a clear picture of the blueprint, room dimensions, and foundation in order to know how to successfully plan for and make changes to the structure. Look at your situation with as much objectivity as possible.

Brainstorm how change might happen.

What steps could you take now to facilitate change? If you are unhappy with your job, and you’ve noted the pros and cons, what kinds of actions are you willing to take in order to have a better experience? Is it taking a job at another company with a more supportive work environment? Is it staying at your current job and working on the relationships with your boss, co-workers, or clients by using a different approach?

Stop being hindered by what you think is possible or likely to happen. Imagine the most desirable outcome and then ask yourself ‘what am I willing to shift in order to get that result?’ It is important that you take responsibility for creating the change you want. If other people are involved in order for your desired outcome to manifest, perhaps some shift in YOU (attitude, interaction level or style, perception, etc.) will affect others and cause a result in the same direction.

Take action.

All thought and no action usually does not turn into forward momentum. No matter how small, take one of the steps that you think is needed for your desired change. If that one step seems too overwhelming, then take a half step. Any size step will help guide you on your way.

Suppose you want a more enjoyable work environment and believe that would be supported by strengthening the relationship with one of your co-workers. An action step may be to make more of an effort to engage that person daily in conversation. Through talking daily, you can learn what their interests are and what’s important to them, which will increase your understanding of them, and make the other person feel more connected to you. Over time you might invite this person to an event outside of work that they’d enjoy, in order to have a chance to develop the relationship further.

Evaluate your results.

If your actions fall short of your expectations, instead of seeing it as a loss or mistake, consider it a learning opportunity as you found out what didn’t work. Knowing what doesn’t work is as important as knowing what does. If your action garnered positive results, decide if you will continue the action or if a new and different step is called for.

Repeat.

Most often, one action step—even a huge one—is just the beginning. To reach your goal you will want to continue the process of evaluation, action and re-evaluation. As this is a meaningful change for you, it will be worth your effort. Be patient, recognize your progress, and enjoy the journey.


Gratitude, The Reality Changer

It’s true – gratitude has the power to change things. I would venture to say, that it serves at the catalyst to change one’s circumstances. It begins with choosing to be grateful, and that choice ignites a positive domino effect that leads to actual change. I know some of you must be thinking that I’m crazy. How can one’s thinking change one’s reality? How can choosing to be grateful turn a seemingly upsetting situation into a blessing? Read on and you’ll find out.

Neale Donald Walsch, author of the acclaimed series, Conversations with God, said: “…gratitude completely shifts the context from which we consider, observe, witness or experience any outward event, circumstance or situation. Perspective creates perception, and perception creates belief; belief creates behavior. Behavior creates experience, and experience creates your reality.” Walsch articulates the dominoes in play here, so let’s list them: Gratitude, Perspective, Perception, Belief, Behavior, Experience and Reality.

  • Gratitude – a feeling of appreciation or thanks
  • Perspective – the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance
  • Perception – the way you think about or understand someone or something
  • Belief – a feeling of being sure that someone or something exists or that something is true
  • Behavior – the way something [or someone] moves, functions or reacts
  • Experience – the process of doing and seeing things and of having things happen to you
  • Reality – the true situation that exists: the real situation

* Definitions from Merriam Webster (merriam-webster.com)

Feeling turns to understanding, to knowing, to acting… to experiencing

An Applicable Lesson

[Story complements of a dear friend]

I got home from a long day at work. I was exhausted and I walked into a disheveled house. Shoes scattered across the living room, my toddler’s toys sprinkled generously over the entirety of the floor, the beds unmade…the works. My husband had arrived home a short time before me, and what was he doing? Watching TV and barely paying attention to our little one. Dinner had to be made, bath time had to take place, shoes and toys had to be put away – so much had to be done and I would have to do it all!

Frustration quickly set in and I realized I was at a crossroads. I could choose to let frustration flourish into anger, and create a tense atmosphere for my whole family, including myself. OR I could take a deep breath, kiss my loved ones hello and take a moment to be thankful for my circumstance. Yes, the house was much less clean than I would have liked and yes, there was a lot that had to be checked off of my list before I could put my head down on the pillow and get some rest, but as much as those things were true, something was even more TRUE. What was it? The reality that my life was really very blessed.

The truth is that I have a home filled with the laughter of an energetic and ever-growing toddler. I have a hard working husband who deserves to put his feet up for a moment after a long day at the office. I have food and the means to prepare it for my family – and I have this day…this precious day. I am not guaranteed tomorrow, but I have right now, and right now, my reality is pretty wonderful!

What is YOUR story? What is your Attitude? What is your reality?

Do you need some help parsing out your reality? Do you need some help learning to see the beauty through the barriers of life? Those barriers (shoes, toys, whatever they may be) sure cloud our vision, don’t they? They sure do a good job of blocking the beauty! But it’s there – you just need to look for it.

Interested in more information? Contact Master Certified Coach & licensed psychotherapist: Mara Fisher, LCSW, MCC, at www.BridgeofLife.com or +1305-754-7246