Tag: Good Communications

Keeping Open to Love

 

Have you ever met one of those people that no matter what life tosses their way they remain loving and kind while you find yourself getting annoyed?  Admit it, there are times in our day-to-day life when obstacles or challenges get the better or us. You may be exhausted from a newborn keeping you up all night or upset over an incident at work, or sad about a recent loss.  Whatever the cause, during these times, it’s easy to shut the security gate to your heart and retreat from feeling. Life holds many promises and disappointments, how then do you navigate through the ups and downs while keeping an open loving heart. Is it even possible?  Yes, but for most of us who don’t float about with angel wings, it’s a process, a choice, and it doesn’t come without work and a lot of practice.

First, begin to notice what is your go to emotion when challenges present themselves; fear, anger, jealousy, or perhaps you simply pick up the rug, sweep it under, and don’t deal with the issue at all.  Bringing awareness to how you react (in other words your patterns) is essential to redirecting them.  For example, if you get bad news about a promotion or plans change, or your partner is cranky do you immediately get mad or do you lapse into a panic?  Make no judgement on how you respond, however if you want to change, taking an honest look is the first step.

Treat yourself as if you were your own best friend. When you reflect on the “whys” of your behavior, be kind to yourself. Why do I always react with anger or fear? Perhaps that was the model you got as a child, or perhaps you were oblivious to your emotional patterns.  Then say to yourself, I am afraid or angry or hurt or jealous, but I don’t have to be.  After all, we have a choice in how we want to move through life.  Remind yourself that you have the right to be forgiving and loving towards yourself.  Being kinder to yourself will help you be kinder and more loving to others.  Knowing you are as worthy as anyone of love, allows you to release fear that in turn allows you to let go of anger (which largely comes from being afraid).

Communicate your emotions, say “I feel angry, I feel afraid,” get them out on the table rather than holding them where they wreak havoc on your relationship with yourself and others. Being truthful creates an atmosphere that leaves room for dialog. Which prevents us from making up a false reality (such as why does that person hate me, when they don’t).   If there has been a misunderstanding, dealing with it will open the channels for reconciliation. Yes, you want to be a loving person, but sometimes you immediate reaction is just the opposite.  You fail.  Mistakes are lessons in humility.  Admit when you’re wrong and give a sincere heartfelt, sorry.

Practice, practice, practice, life will give you ample opportunity for this.  Use each one to shift your choice of emotions and take your time.  Try counting to ten before you react, then learn to come from a place of love and understanding.  Once you begin doing this, it becomes habit forming and will not go unnoticed by those around you.  Love will flourish in your friendships, in yourself, and have a profound effect on the way you live your life.  There will be less frazzled angry moments because you have become a person that lives with an open heart and chooses to lead with love.

 


Successful Communications for Healthy Romantic Relationships

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It’s everyone’s right to exercise their (positively-charged) power in a situation where they are made to feel uncomfortable, whether purposefully or accidentally. Many times, it’s easier than we think to get someone to see our point of view; we just have to make sure that we’re open and honest with them. Communications barriers build up when we believe we’re not being heard or understood. We shut down; start to build up walls; begin to care less and get to the point where we shut down all together. We may stop trying to fix the issue— at worst, just accepting things as they are.

Before these barriers begin to build for you—listen to your internal voice. It’s amazing how many times an answer can actually already be inside you. Think for a second, and examine the situation on the other foot. If your significant other believed that you were looking at men when you were on a date night, running errands, or just going through everyday life, how would you want them to approach it with you? Examine that choice, and see if it would work on the other side. Many times, intrinsically, we know how to handle issues—we just don’t know how to externalize the answer.  

Finding your own voice is key. If you’ve got a relationship with strong communication skills, this may be easier for you. The bottom line, be honest, fair, and stick to the point—don’t get tied to heavily into emotions. Share your feelings concisely and clearly. Don’t demand a resolution; allow it to be a discussion, not an argument. It’s the expectations that you set up within the confines of your own relationship— not the parameters set by the outside world— that shape the happiness of your union, so stick to what you know to be true in your own relationship only.

What may work for a friend, aunt, mother or sister may not for you— it’s important to be selective in who you seek out advice from, especially from those close to you. The more often we allow outside influences to help us shape our decisions, the more power we take away from our own individual identity as a problem solver. Make sure that you’re setting yourself up for personal success that will help build your own esteem, and in turn, enhance the strength and success in the relationship with your partner.