Instead of focusing on how you may have contributed to your relationship ending are you spending hours of your time analyzing why he/she acted the way they did?
Overanalyzing is often bred from avoidance, thinking about our feelings and/or about understanding ourselves, personally without being self-reflective. How it is that we act in the ways that we do. Usually when we overanalyze it is about what someone else did or did not do, rather than our own thoughts, actions, behaviors and feelings. Does this sound like you?
If it does, than you might be wondering what you can do to feel better, stop going on and on in your mind, over and over what they did or what you could have done. The answer is learning how to be in the moment rather than in the past or your idea of the future. So, how do you do this?
Here is are two easy exercise that you can do anywhere when you find yourself caught in on the merry-go-around of analyzing:
Repeat these steps several times:
- Close your eyes and breathe, noticing your body, how the intake of air feels, what sensations you have in your body, what you are smelling, hearing, sensing etc.
- Touch your fingers together and feel your hands or touch your arms and feel them
You can also do this with your eyes open. If you do make certain to consciously notice what you are seeing. It is important to use all of your senses.
Another helpful tip:
If you begin to analyze: think (or even say out loud) “STOP”, and replace the analyzing thoughts with a pleasant image: walking on the beach at sunset, relaxing next to a waterfall, watching a butterfly dance in the wind; you can choose your image, whatever allows you to feel calm and peaceful.
Identify your personal pleasant, relaxing image and see it anytime you find yourself analyzing the why/how’s/what’s/whens of another, or yourself excessively.
Analyzing can be a useful tool when used for explorations or options such as looking at our own actions, thoughts, behaviors and feelings. This form of analyzing can help us make great career choices as well as relationship choices. Used in this way what you are actually doing is deciding what is best for you as opposed to over-analyzing and taking no action at all.